Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Wayne Brady Depression
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mom.Wayne Brady Depression
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Wayne Brady Depression
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy child development Wayne Brady Depression
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Wayne Brady Depression
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they want Wayne Brady Depression
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Wayne Brady Depression
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Below are a number of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mom or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also extra common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Wayne Brady Depression
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a key feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Wayne Brady Depression
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Wayne Brady Depression
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Wayne Brady Depression
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Wayne Brady Depression
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Wayne Brady Depression
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Wayne Brady Depression
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Wayne Brady Depression
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.