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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a great deal further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we have to be willing to provide first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and also show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. What Causes Working Memory Problems In Adults
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