What Does It Mean To Label A Child – Just How I Used Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Listen

What Does It Mean To Label A Child
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. What Does It Mean To Label A Child

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”

I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.What Does It Mean To Label A Child

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer What Does It Mean To Label A Child

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development What Does It Mean To Label A Child

What Does It Mean To Label A Child

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? What Does It Mean To Label A Child

Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they want What Does It Mean To Label A Child

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. What Does It Mean To Label A Child

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always intended to be, and assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as much more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. What Does It Mean To Label A Child

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling below it

• Most mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … What Does It Mean To Label A Child

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. What Does It Mean To Label A Child

This does not mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. What Does It Mean To Label A Child

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? What Does It Mean To Label A Child

Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Does It Mean To Label A Child

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Does It Mean To Label A Child

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. What Does It Mean To Label A Child


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