What Is Emotional Flooding – Exactly How I Used Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

What Is Emotional Flooding
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. What Is Emotional Flooding

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.What Is Emotional Flooding

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach What Is Emotional Flooding

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development What Is Emotional Flooding

What Is Emotional Flooding

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? What Is Emotional Flooding

Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Giving your children whatever they ask for What Is Emotional Flooding

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting results than harsh control.

Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than plain outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. What Is Emotional Flooding

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mother or dad you’ve always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Discover the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. What Is Emotional Flooding

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main feeling below it

• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need first.

• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … What Is Emotional Flooding

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we have to be eager to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. What Is Emotional Flooding

This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. What Is Emotional Flooding

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? What Is Emotional Flooding

Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

How can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Is Emotional Flooding

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Is Emotional Flooding

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. What Is Emotional Flooding


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