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When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration always yields much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and extra usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to solve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. What Is Occupational Therapy For Child
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