What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School – How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

There were a couple of books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.

It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How every one of these ideas result in healthy child development What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. However long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they want What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.

Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going much deeper than mere external conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mother or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and also a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

But we can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-control to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion below it

• The majority of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be ready to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. What Motivates A Child To Do Well In School


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