When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration always produces far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outside conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. What Should I Write To My Teacher About My Child
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