What To Do When Teenager Lies – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

What To Do When Teenager Lies
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. What To Do When Teenager Lies

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.What To Do When Teenager Lies

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution What To Do When Teenager Lies

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development What To Do When Teenager Lies

What To Do When Teenager Lies

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.

Considering his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyway? What To Do When Teenager Lies

Initially, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Giving your children every little thing they want What To Do When Teenager Lies

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates better lasting outcomes than harsh control.

Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. What To Do When Teenager Lies

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.

Below are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to become the mama or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his/her full potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (and extra usual in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

But we can get a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. What To Do When Teenager Lies

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it

• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … What To Do When Teenager Lies

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we must be eager to give. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. What To Do When Teenager Lies

This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. What To Do When Teenager Lies

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? What To Do When Teenager Lies

Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? What To Do When Teenager Lies

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. What To Do When Teenager Lies

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. What To Do When Teenager Lies


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