When I initially became a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently produces better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s often much easier (and also much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. When To Transition From Toddler Bed To Twin Bed
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