When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mommy or dad you’ve always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her full potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (as well as more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Many mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Who Gets The House In A Divorce With Children
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