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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Why Can’t I Keep Friends
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Why Can’t I Keep Friends
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Why Can’t I Keep Friends
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Why Can’t I Keep Friends
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Why Can’t I Keep Friends
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Why Can’t I Keep Friends
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Why Can’t I Keep Friends
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and also extra usual in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Why Can’t I Keep Friends
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Why Can’t I Keep Friends
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we should agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as a person. Why Can’t I Keep Friends
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Why Can’t I Keep Friends
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Why Can’t I Keep Friends
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Why Can’t I Keep Friends
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Why Can’t I Keep Friends
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Why Can’t I Keep Friends
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.