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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that cooperation always produces much better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion under it
• Many angry children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to want to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Why Children With ADHD Should Not Be Medicated
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