When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Why Do Kids Talk So Much
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Why Do Kids Talk So Much
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Why Do Kids Talk So Much
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Why Do Kids Talk So Much
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Why Do Kids Talk So Much
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Why Do Kids Talk So Much
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Why Do Kids Talk So Much
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mom or father you have actually always intended to be, and also assist your child to reach his/her full potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also much more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Why Do Kids Talk So Much
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next example … Why Do Kids Talk So Much
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should want to give first. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. Why Do Kids Talk So Much
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Why Do Kids Talk So Much
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Why Do Kids Talk So Much
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Why Do Kids Talk So Much
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mother or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Why Do Kids Talk So Much
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Why Do Kids Talk So Much
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