When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Working Memory Interventions
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Working Memory Interventions
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Working Memory Interventions
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Working Memory Interventions
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Working Memory Interventions
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Working Memory Interventions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Working Memory Interventions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and also more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Working Memory Interventions
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Working Memory Interventions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must be ready to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Working Memory Interventions
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Working Memory Interventions
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Working Memory Interventions
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Working Memory Interventions
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Working Memory Interventions
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Working Memory Interventions
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.