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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Zamora
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Zamora
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Zamora
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy child development Zamora
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Zamora
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Zamora
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Zamora
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Zamora
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … Zamora
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we have to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Zamora
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Zamora
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Zamora
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Zamora
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Zamora
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Zamora
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